Dear African/Asian parents…

 

Dear African/Asian parents,

Let your kids be kids!

Stop over-cautioning your kids in public!

Stop expecting them to behave like adults by sitting still in church. They can’t! They just can’t! because they’re kids, and kids have a higher level of adrenaline and a high level of energy! This is what you call “restlessness”, and it is normal! 

Unlike adults, kids live in the moment! Instead of sitting in one place, they’ll like to jump around, they’ll like to touch things and explore, they’ll come asking you so many questions, etc, stop cautioning them when they behave this way! Answer the questions you can, and let them know you’ll get back to them with the other answers if you don’t know what it is! 

Make them feel loved and understood, instead of shouting at them for behaving like kids! 🤷🏾‍♀️ 

Cuddle them, run your hands through their hair, and leave them with kisses! it is not “over-pampering” as you’d call it, but rather, I’d like to call it “tolerance in parenting!”

Physiologically, it’s said that kids get more oxygen than adults, so they have more energy. When you shhh them up and over-caution them, they grow up becoming timid. They’ll have difficulty being natural, and being themselves in the midst of others!

They’ll sit still in one place just as you wanted, but will never ask those questions that make them learn and grow as kids, they become less adventurous, and their formation stage is hindered!

Today in church, I sat behind an African dad with his 4 kids, the youngest girl started jumping from her seat and swinging her handbag; at once, the dad swiftly grabbed her handbag with all his masculine energy, and pulled her to himself in an attempt to make her “behave”. Indeed this kid (probably less than 7yrs) became calm but after a minute she began swinging her handbag again. Lol 😂 

I could see the dad’s frustration and embarrassment, as the kid had refused to “behave”. He didn’t stop cautioning her. He kept grabbing her handbag to ensure she stayed still. I became restless myself, I didn’t want to be intrusive but deep down I wanted to say to the dad:

“Excuse me, sir, the kid is not killing anyone with her handbag, she’s just swinging it, so let her be!” 

This sentence almost jumped out of my mouth as I watched the dad-daughter drama! But I had to warn myself!

I also saw how the dad pushed away his little son who was climbing over from the chair in an attempt to play with his sister. It should be made clear that the dad’s reaction may not have come from a place of hatred for his kids but from a place of discipline. And for many Africans and Asians, there’s a thin line between “child discipline” and “child abuse”!

During the sign-of-peace at Mass, I watched the same dad kiss all his 4kids on their forehead with love and affection! Which was beautiful! This further shows that he didn’t initially caution his children from a place of dislike but a place of discipline! Discipline is great! Yet, there are better ways of doing it! 

Dear Parents, we know there’s so much pressure here and there, but pls don’t take it out on your children. We can still be disciplined parents if we let our kids be kids! 

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